has finally been lifted. We got our medical review file from the doctor just a bit ago. It's been a rough day! I am not one to check my phone but I had it out and visible at all times. Thankfully I had some distractions.
I met a friend for lunch in the city after an endodontist appointment. Turns out my root canal re-do is alright. Yeah hoo. So I met my beautifully peeled, botoxed and invisiligned friend for lunch. The perfect, entertaining and fiercely supportive distraction. I showed her a couple of pictures of the little girl we're reviewing and she tried really hard to make me cry. But I stayed strong. I want to melt into tears over baby sister but I have to make sure it's going to work out. For both of us. For ALL of us! So I'm keeping that layer of protection over my heart for now.
After that I picked up our little guy who was filthy and full of sand and who talked and talked about how much fun he had at sool. (school). Music to my ear's from my lil' mama's boy! Only took a year and a half!
We then went straight to the big kid's school to pick him up. I was super early as he does an after school program... but my boys provide the best distraction and perspective there is so I wanted them around even if the "schedule" said otherwise.
On the way home, we stopped at the local UPS store to send out my and Parker's birth certificates to get apostilled by our respective secretaries of state. It took a while because the addresses and zip codes weren't matching up. So rather than risk my big kid reading one of a hundred dirty cards to the little guy, I made them sit along the side and take turns playing angry birds with the promise of ice cream afterwards. It worked. Amazing what a little mid-afternoon treat will do. I enjoyed it too! Better than taking them to the bar. Oh wait, we live in a no bar town. Can you even believe that. Sheesh.
When we got home, I put the boys in the bathtub. Weird! I know. But I had a 5pm hair cut and color and Parker does not like doing bath time so I was doing him a favor. Only to be called... by him... from his office... in the city... at 4pm. CRAP! What about my freaking hair? I can't have gray roots on my 39th birthday. Thankfully traffic karma was on our side. He met me in the parking lot outside the salon at 4:59. We won't discuss what kind of Mario Andretti, ahole driving he had to do to get there that fast. The important thing is that he showed up alive and on time. Now my hair is dark and shiny and ready to party.
I may have checked my phone 125 times during my hair appointment. I felt like one of "those" girls. At least I wasn't wearing my sunglasses inside too. But I am most certainly not that girl. I just played the part all day and all night. Then it came. An email from the doctor. But it was just a tease. An update that she had read the file and would now begin compiling her report. AAAHHHHH... LADY you're killin' me!
So on the way home I tried my best to implode my car. I listened to all my faves as loud as I could stand it. And it worked. It not only drowned out the noise in my head, but it made it sort of a freakshow of driving distraction.
Got home. Husband so graciously had water simmering to build the fresh ravioli I brought home from our favorite Italian deli in our old neighborhood. We finally sat down to relax. He has a lot of not so fun stuff going on at work and I can't stop thinking about this little girl. But it's strange. I don't think either one of us really wants to talk about it because we really are trying hard to not make an emotional decision. It's the white elephant in the room with two people who are talking, intimately. Weird, weird, weird. After checking my phone for the umpteenth time I finally said this is killing me! And he said me too. We talked for a brief minute but we both caught ourselves. This is such a big deal that we can't really talk about it until we have something more to talk about.
So we hit play on the American Idol that was on pause. Ugh. I finally made a deal with myself that I would try to go 5 minutes... then stretched it to 10. And then it came in. An email from the doctor with a pdf attachment and a question about what time we can conference call in the morning. I ran to the computer with hands shaking to print out 2 copies. Meanwhile Parker grabbed the iPad and began to read the report. We sat down on big beige as I am now affectionately calling it. Those of you who recognize the, no it's not crusty and it wasn't free, but it's so comfy and such a part of us now that's it has been with us for 3 1/2 years that I think we'll keep it forever. And it helps that you can simply wipe off anything that intentionally or accidentally gets on it.. puke, poo, crayon, marker, snot, ketchup... wine.
With a lump in my throat I read through the report as fast as I could. I was looking for the bad news, the bomb, the reasons why we shouldn't consider adopting this little girl. But as I read and reread, and reread the report, I couldn't find it. It wasn't there. It was a decent report. A somewhat positive and somewhat hopeful report.
I will sum it up by telling you what Parker said. He said "This is exciting." Parker never says the word exciting. He never gets excited. He's not excitable. He's calm, cool and collected. And when he's not doing that, he's falling asleep. Because he's narcoleptic. I am beside myself with emotion. I am afraid to let one tear fall because it will release the floodgates. Why? Because I really think we've found baby sister. And I don't want to break my own heart in case we have to decide, rationally, otherwise.
We have a conference call with the doctor tomorrow morning. Her report was very promising. But also practical and we need to talk through all of the issues and unknowns before making a decision. At this point, I'll be very disappointed if we decide not to move forward, but I know we have to make the best decision for our family and our future. So many components to consider and I can't legally share any of the medical stuff until we decide. Which we have to do by Thursday night. Totally sucks that Parker has a sales meeting and I won't see him until tomorrow. Seems like a decision easier made and better celebrated, or not, in person.
Staying strong and level headed... or at least trying to!
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