You know that old saying don't get the cart ahead of the horse? Well, I've done it. Not sure where that ol' horse is, I left him in the dust yesterday when I took a look at our agency's individual list, i.e. the list of kids our agency is trying to place. (Not a "shared" list.) And whaddya know I found a couple of little girls on there that may make sense for us.
So I don't think I have mentioned that there are 2 ways to get matched with a child. The first way is the way we were planning to do it, and we still may. That process includes sending our Dossier to China (DTC), where it's logged in (LID) at the China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption (CCCWA). After that, we would wait for our agency to match us with a child. This process is best if we were set on a younger girl with a minor/repairable special need. The second way to get a match is to peruse our agency's individual list and essentially pick out a child. The kids on the list are typically a little bit older, lots of boys and many moderate special needs. Our plan has always been to just go through the process step by step and wait for a referral. BUT! But then I went and looked at the list. I'll tell you what folks. It's nearly impossible for me to look at that list and not talk myself into one of the little girls on there. There are 3-6 pictures of each child along with their birth date (made up of course), their American name (which I don't think they even use other than for our benefit) and their special need. For some of the moderate special needs, there are pictures of a malformed hand/eye/ear, whatever it may be. It hurts my heart to look at those. For many reasons. Most of all because I know a lot of those kids will stay on our agency's list until their time runs out, which I think is about 6 months from the time the CCCAA gives them the list to the time they have to place the kid. After that they may go to another agency. Or if they've already made the rounds, they become special focus and go onto a shared list. From there it only gets more dire. The older they get, the more impossible it becomes to place them and many end up institutionalized. So when I say it's hard to not find a child on there, I mean it. It's one thing to discuss this or that special need, but when you look at the little faces and read what their special need is, it's hard to find a reason you couldn't work with it. Maybe it's more than we thought we could handle, but I think like many things, we can handle more than we think we can, and more than we can succinctly plan for.
I emailed our agency yesterday. I got one file just as I was turning out the bedside lamp. I just knew it was coming so I kept checking my phone every 5-10 minutes. I saw that it came so I ran out to get the ipad to read the medical report to my narcoleptic husband. He may have heard the first two items. There wasn't anything "glaring" in it. Now take that with a grain of salt because this little girl does have a moderate special need that I'm not all too familiar with. I have a soft spot for her though as one of her issues is something my parents were told about me .. yet it turned out to be inconsequential so maybe that's the case with this little one as well?? Our pediatrician is reviewing the files now and will give me her thoughts later today. She may very well tell me that this is a lot more difficult than it seems, or that there is more to it than my layman's eyes were able to discover.
I received little lady #2's file this morning. Same thing, nothing that concerning in her, very uncharacteristically detailed, medical file. But again, there is something sort of major going on with her so I need medical eyes to review it and shoot back a dose of reality.
Depending on what our ped has to say about this, we may or may not look for further medical review. Children's Hospital in Oakland has an International Adoption Clinic. They provide pre-adopt evaluations, etc. The hitch is that it's pretty expensive. I'm sure it's worth it when there are detailed files, and in many cases, video to review. I'm just not sure it will make sense given how little info is provided.
I am also going to talk to a woman I mentioned in another post. Parker got together for dinner with one of his college buddies who was in town for work a month or so ago. He learned during their conversation that night that his buddy's wife used to be the Waiting Child Program coordinator for the state in which they live. Parker reached out to his friend this morning and he talked to his wife. She generously agreed to review the files and give me a call tonight to discuss. Not sure if I'm more nervous to hear what she has to say, or simply to talk to someone who will have so much insight on what we are going through.
I thought for a bit that it may be too premature to share any of this with you all. But this is a significant part of our journey, whether we move forward with one of these precious little babes, or just keep trudging along the alternate path. I didn't sleep well last night ... too many thoughts swirling in my head ... did I just look at a photo of baby sister? It's almost too much to process so I have to try my best to keep a level head and let the advice and help from others, who are much more knowledgable, aid us in our decision. We don't have much time though. Other families are viewing one of the files and even if we put a hold on one of them, we have to make a decision within 72 hours. While Parker is traveling. Good times!!
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