I don't think with special needs adoption (from China no less), that we will ever feel 100% confident with a based on paper only child. 1. We've never seen or watched her with our own eyes. 2. We've never had a kid with special needs and 3. Who the heck knows what gets lost or misinterpreted in the translation. But are we comfortable enough, based on what we've learned so far? Yes. Do we think we can handle it? Yes. Are we in agreement on the potential risks? Yes. Are we totally prepared? No. Hell no. How can we be? Are you ever totally prepared for what comes with a new child? No. You never know what is going to happen in early developmental stages, nor do you know how an additional child will impact your family dynamics. You just have to live it, to learn it.
I must have read a hundred China special needs adoption stories last night (other blogs) and while it scared the pants off of me, it also made me realize that you just plan for the worst and hope for the best, because in the end you don't really know what you're getting. I read a whole blog about clefts. Cleft lip, cleft palate.. multiple surgeries, some that "took," some that didn't. Bone grafting stories, pain and agony, speech therapy. One family was in the process of adopting a little girl with a heart defect, which is considered a minor special need. A heart defect easily repaired in the US. Just a month or so before they were to travel to get her, they got a call that tragically, she had died. Another family brought home a nsn (non-special needs) little girl only to be shocked by the onset of seizures in the month or two after they were home. I could go on and on but you get the picture. We aren't adopting a healthy kid. Period. We can't compare to anything we know.
We talked and talked last night until we were both emotionally spent. While Parker was on the phone with our dear friend, looking for a little guidance, I burst into tears after reading all of the adoption stories. The enormity of this decision hit me like a ton of bricks and I was facing fear in the face. Fear like I've never known. Making a decision to bring a child into your family, whom you've never met, and know that on paper, she may have some serious long-term medical issues, is scary. It's unnatural! I was so scared to say yes or no! If I say yes, would I be the one swaying the vote and if I say no, am I turning my back on the girl who is meant to be our daughter? Even though I was a little uncomfortable, would I be more or less comfortable with the next file that came our way? I know we can do this and I know our family will be stronger and better for it. But I am very scared of the unknown and even more scared of making a decision that could potentially have a negative impact on the family dynamic that we now enjoy. Long term, we'll be fine. Short term it's sure to be a bit of a shit show. Honestly.
I remember just before the birth of our second son I started to panic. How would our older son handle it. It had just been the 2 of us during the day all day, every day, for 2 years! And then our easy, happy little threesome after Parker would get home from work and on the weekends. He was the center of our world. And we were just about to rock it by the addition of a baby. What if he hates me? What if I don't have time for him? Will he think I don't love him? How will this all work out? In the end, my fears were for naught. Sure we had our difficulties, power struggles and lots of lots of mommy guilt. But now our older son has a best friend, a confidante, a shadow, that I cannot imagine him being without. I am considering all of this as I look forward and hope the day comes, sooner, rather than later, that we look at our 3 kids and rest assured they are stronger and closer and better off because they have each other, because we took a leap of faith.
I guess what I've been trying to say with all of this rambling is that we're mid free fall right now. We've taken a leap off the edge and into the unknown and are moving forward with adopting this little girl. Unknowns, big risks and all. Like Parker says, she's worth taking a chance for. I've felt it in my heart from the moment I saw her but have been afraid to fully commit. But committed we are! She's not ours just yet. There's the LOI (letter of intent) to write and then we have to receive PA (pre-approval) from the CCWA. Both of which shouldn't be an issue, just standard procedure. After that we'll move along the same paperwork path we're already on. Waiting for I-800A approval and then sending our DTC (dossier to China). We're hopeful this will all go as planned and we'll be traveling to pick up baby sister late summer. I don't want to give too much away in case it doesn't work out, but she's a beautiful little 17 month old who loves to ride a plasma car during her activity time. A girl after our own hearts! The boys don't know about her just yet. We are going to wait until we have the paperwork that grants us approval .. just to be safe! Wrapping their little heads around adoption is tough enough so we need to make sure she's ours before we tell them about her.
I am going to sleep like a baby tonight! Or rather like a happy, expectant mama!
No comments:
Post a Comment