First a twist, now a turn!

What a roller coaster the last few days have been.  Sheesh.  Little did I know the can of worms I would open simply by following a friend's advice to check out this foster program's website to see if Macey may have been part of the program.  Not only did we find out that she was indeed part of the program, but we got an even bigger piece of news last night.  

Parker and I attended a school board meeting last night.  My phone started vibrating around 8:45pm.  I assumed it was our babysitter but when I dug it out of my purse, saw an unfamiliar 415 number on it.  The meeting got out at 9.  I listened to the voicemail left by the 415 number as we walked to the car.  It was the coordinator from our agency. I assumed something was up for her to call and leave me a message so late.  While Parker ran into Safeway for a couple of things, I called her back.  

Turns out she had some very big news for us.  Macey was a twin.  Sadly, her twin did not survive.  My emotions turned on a dime.  From my heart racing thinking we may be getting two little babes, to my heart then breaking for the unimaginable loss our little one has sustained. I know she was so little but she's a twin and there has to be some part of her that will know that loss, if not now, then at some point.  And for us it's just terribly sad to think that our little girl's sibling died.  It's unbelievable.  

We don't know anything other than that she was the twin who survived.  We're trying to see if the foster program can help us out by digging up any information they can on Macey's twin.  It's the only part of her family we know of and it would be nice to be able to provide to her a more complete picture of what happened rather than just telling her she had a twin who died.  That almost seems pointless.  But being an adoptee, I know she needs to know anything and everything about the circumstances of her birth, foster care, and time spent in the orphanage.  These are all relevant pieces to her life puzzle.  Like the straight pieces that make up the frame.  She won't be able to complete the puzzle, no matter how many other rich and colorful pieces we are able to provide if she's missing a part of the frame.

Finding out Macey was a twin also really helps explain the swelling and fluid in her head.  Poor thing was probably just squished in utero.  The swelling disappeared right away. Some fluid was still there at 9 months but is gone now. (And it wasn't blood, etc.)  Her last head CT scan came back as normal. She's healthy and happy and boy is she a fighter. 

I've looked at her latest pictures about 200 times since I got them and I can't even put into words how excited I am to meet her, hug her and squeeze her and tell her the rest of her life is going to be a freaking breeze compared to what she's gone through already!  A total freaking breeze!