The Binder...

The first photo is all of the documents required for the first phase of the paper chase. The second is THE binder.



Ugh. It's huge. It's intimidating. But it's the first obstacle on the path to baby sister, so let's do this!

Of course as is my personality, I read through the binder after we got the boys to bed on the same day we went to class and received the binder. I scribbled some notes and made to do lists for myself and Parker. Mine was much longer as, let's face it .. the more tasks I gave to him = more nagging I would have had to do. And if there's one thing I hate, it's a nag. I hate nagging. I hate being nagged. There's not a stereotypical term about describing one's wife that I'd more like to avoid. So, my to do list is about 30 items long, his is about 10. And may have ended up at about 5.

The third section of the binder has the bulk of what I will lovingly refer to as the paper chase. It became my part-time job the last quarter of the year. Much like getting our kid into kindergarten was last year at the same time. What a waste of time that was.  This year, however, all I could think about is the little girl I will get to love someday .. and not all the parents I would come to loathe, like, tomorrow! So the "forms for the filling" go something like this:

Fee Schedule

Agency Flow Chart - when things happen, when this or that fee gets paid

Document Checklist

Adoption Services Agreement

Family Descriptions

Family Brief

Reference Letters - 4 of them - notarized

Medical Exam - notarized

Financial Statement

Employment and Salary Verification - notarized

Request for Live Scan Services

Child Abuse Clearance Forms

Agency Waiver Form

Disclosure of Pregnancy - notarized

Bank Statements - 3 months

Mortgage Statement

Fed. Income Tax - last 3 years

Certified Birth Certificates

Passports

Certified Marriage Certificates

Health Insurance Cards

China Medical Exam Forms - notarized

Arrest Record Information

Therapist Letter Guideline - if applicable

Physician Letter Guideline - for medical conditions if applicable

Letter to your child(ren)'s Teacher or Principal

Child Medical

Yep, that's a lot of stuff to fill out, ask for, search for and nail down.

To get started we had to knock the first few things off of the above list in order to kick-off our homestudy.  This is how we got the ball officially rolling.

Fee Schedule - pay agency admin fee and 1st half of homestudy fee

Adoption Services Agreement - sign and return with above checks

Family Descriptions - This was not as easy as you may think. I got so tired of talking, well, writing about myself. It was worse than the days the boys are so rotten that I get sick of my own voice. Describe what kind of person you are.. your strengths, your weaknesses, what would you like to change, what type of family did you grow up in, your interests, how do you spend your leisure time, how do you deal with stress, talk about the relationship with you and your spouse, how might adopting change your relationship with your spouse, and on, and on, and on. Blech. My first thought was pour a glass of wine and take a crack at it. But then one glass leads to two and the next thing you know, I'm writing how much I love you guys and I can't waaaait to have a little guuurrrl. So, I sat down at the kids table with the ipad on it's little keyboard dock and started pounding away. I tried to sound like the person I want to be. Smart, sensible, empathetic, gracious and above all, a rock star of a mom. Because after all, I could be a total jerk of a friend and a crappy wife, but I have to prove that I can do this mom thing so that they'll give us a kid! Mine came out okay but it sounded a little sappy and a little too braggy but it's not like you want to write all the boring, negative stuff so I left it at that. Parker took a week or two to write his. Yes, I had to nag which ticked us both off. But we couldn't get the home study going until we turned these in so snap, snap skippy! Turns out good things come to those who wait, or take a while. That guy totally school's me in the make myself sound really good on paper category. Some of you may know him as the Coors light drinking, hockey obsessed narcoleptic that he is. Others may know the smarty pants work Parker who kicks ass and takes names all day long. Either way, you also know he is bright and articulate and much more well spoken than any of us ever will be. So at least one of us sounds like a decent enough parent that we may just be found eligible to adopt!

Family Brief - A 10 page document that you fill in and check selections regarding your children (ages, names, etc.), your education, employment history, health and medical info, doctor's names, insurance information for medical, dental and life, citizenship info, the type of child you hope to adopt, and housing info, what type of house, own, rent, pool, guns in the house, all sorts of oddball inquiries.

I got all of this sent back a couple of weeks after our class and then we started in with the home study which is a cornerstone of the process as it culminates with the document simply called the homestudy which will accompany the other two pieces of the 3 part pie that gets you to your kid.  Those 3 important pieces of pie are as follows;

1. Homestudy

2. I-800 application to US Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services

3. Dossier to China

The homestudy is a little like what it sounds like but it should be called a Social Worker Investigation. It's a series of "visits" from a social worker. Some adoption agencies may have you meet at their office or at the social workers office for some visits with a final visit or two in your home. Our homestudy was all conducted in our home. Our social worker asked that we all be home for the first one, that she meet one on one for the second and third visits (one with me, one with Parker) and then all of us for the fourth and final. We were so nervous for the first one. Well, I was nervous. Or maybe freaked out is a better word. Writing about myself for the family description was tough enough. The last thing I wanted to do was then have to listen to myself talk more about myself. We were all ready for the social worker to arrive. We dressed casually. Made a fire. Waited. And waited. I think she was 30-45 minutes late. But it wasn't as bad as we anticipated. The questions were simple and the right words came easy. The boys were perfectly well behaved. Duh. They're angels! Ha, not really. They're great kids but we got lucky that morning. She was here for almost 2 hours. She asked really general questions... why we want to adopt, where we're from, where we went to college, what we do or have done professionally, how the boys feel about adoption, that kind of stuff. She also encouraged us to start thinking about the types of special needs we would be willing to take and to think about the travel plans in more depth as we're all going to China to pick up baby sister. She suggested taking another adult with us who would be able to get the boys out of the hotel and having some fun as we may be in the trenches getting baby sister to ... let us touch her, eat, stop crying, etc. We hadn't thought of that so that was a good suggestion, maybe the one bit of food for thought to come out of the first meeting.

After the first homestudy meeting we kept chugging along on paperwork. We agreed on a deadline of Christmas to get the documents submitted to our agency. I know Parker thought I was a madwoman and wished for more time BUT as a mom, I'm always thinking ahead.  If we could in any way make it possible to bring baby sister home during the summer, that would be ideal.  All 4 of us will be traveling and it will be much easier to take the trip in the summer or early fall, than smack in the middle of the school year.  And it means allowing us all more time to bond and ease into a routine than would coming home, rushing the boys back to school, waking up early, running around all day, you name it.  So if we could get part 1 done by year end, part 2 follows in a month or 2 and part 3 by month 3 or 4 ... putting our travel about 6 months from then.  If I lost you, that would mean paper chase docs submitted in December, Homestudy finalized in January, I-800 application submitted in January/February with approval February/March with travel by September.  Oh and somewhere in the March timeframe we will find out just who baby sister is once our Dossier gets logged in in China. Known as LID for log in date.  The whole adoption lingo still trips me out.  I'll talk about that as I get to a point where knowing the lingo comes in handy.  So our deadline was Christmas and I nervously, but happily, sent off the package of documents on 12/15/11. It was a nerve wracking handoff at the post office.  I should have just taken the day to drive the documents across the bay, down the peninsula to our agency... I would have slept better that night knowing they arrived safely.  But in the end it worked out and they were delivered the very next day.

We had our individual homestudy visits right around Thanksgiving. Our social worker totally screwed up the timing for mine. I still wonder if that was part of the homestudy.. totally mess with these people, stress them out, screw up their childcare plans and see how they handle it.  If it wasn't then it was just plain rude, disrespectful and unprofessional.  She was supposed to come I think at 2pm. The boys were going to have a play date at my friend's house. Well, she called at 1:30 to say she was just leaving Sacramento and may be late. Ya think? Sacramento is a good hour and a half away.  Long story short I took the boys over to my friend's because they had really been looking forward to it... then Parker picked them up a little while later. The individual meeting was a little nerve wracking but I got through it. She asked all about my life and asked me to start from the beginning. Hard to wrap 38 years into a single conversation. Hard and annoying.  (again, sick of hearing about myself!) Lots of stops to let her writing catch up. Yes, I know, I'm wordy, I talk a lot, I talk fast, and sometimes in circles. A social worker's nightmare. I think Parker's went fine but he didn't say much about it other than it kind of sucked and she jumped around a bit. I don't think she asked as many personal questions but then again, maybe she didn't really ask me them as much as I just blurted out the details of my life. I talk too much.  Always.  Always have and unfortunately, I probably always will.  Our final homestudy visit was right before Christmas. On the final visit the social worker has to sort of sketch out your property and get detailed info about your home, safety, if the kid will have its own room, location of nearest school, park, library and hospital. There was only one little hiccup during this meeting and I'm not going to elaborate on it because it was borderline offensive and it will sound a little douchey if I get into the details. We are thankful that our agency was able to put us at ease regarding the issue but we had about a week of uneasiness as they were closed for Christmas and so we couldn't get the issue clarified as easily as we would have liked. That was the one little hitch we've experienced since we started the paper chase and if that's the worst of it, then this process isn't so bad.

We're still waiting for our homestudy to be finalized and hope to have it in the next week or so. At the end of the homestudy, you meet with the international coordinator at our agency. I did that right before Christmas and she provided the next set of documents and requirements that will become our dossier. Just when I thought the paper chase was done! This set won't be as much work as some of the requirements are duplicates of what we've already done for the paper chase, but we have to figure out if it makes more sense to do this next step on our own or use a service, such as one called "the assistant stork" to aid us in the process. Up next... yahoo groups overload, the chatter and the China docs.