The babymoon...

If you've been keeping up, last week I was distracted by a couple of things.  I'm still distracted by the first thing which is that a classmate of our older son has leukemia.  While her prognosis is good, it doesn't mean that just because she should beat this thing, be in remission and be back to school next year, that the fight is going to be any easier.  I took dinner to their house last night and I think I hugged the mom an inappropriate number of times and maybe even a little too tightly.  But I had to even if just to pass on a little bit of love and strength to her.  Her little girl is doing okay but her tired, pale face sent hot, stingy tears streaming down my face as soon as I got back into my car.  I drove to the Safeway parking lot to give myself time to pull it together before returning home.  Yep, Safeway parking lot.  You know you live in a boring a$$ town if the best place to dry your eyes is the grocery store parking lot.  Last year at this time, I would have headed right down the street to the bay and calm my nerves over rolling waves and fog horns.  Aww, the good ol' days.  Well, anyway, I pulled it together and came home. Still distracted but cheered by the healthy, obnoxious faces of my hungry boys.  After we got them off to bed, I started in with this week's distraction.

Distraction #3 - Babymoon!
Since baby sister will be here sometime in the next 9 months, or so, we figure we better get away for a weekend before that will no longer be an option.  Not that it won't at all be an option but not sure anyone loves us or our kids enough to take on days and/or nights with 3 OF THEM!

I hate to admit it but we've yet to go anywhere, that isn't within driving distance, without our kids.  I'm totally freaking out about it but we have plenty of life insurance and our dear friends Tommy & Colleen are the named guardians for our kids so we're covered!  But I'm still freaking out!  I'm excited too though, so it's strange to reconcile it physically and mentally.  The boys couldn't care less.  They're super pumped to spend the weekend with one of their old babysitters who came into town just to help us out.  I think they also know that mommy guilt nets out well for them.  As if having a babysitter, busting the schedule, messing up the house and leaving it that way and doing nothing but goof off and play all weekend isn't good enough. I also got them some sweet and salty treats usually reserved for vacations and other special times and a few new toys. I almost bought them a new movie but caught myself.  This is craziness. I'm spending more time preparing THEM to stay home than I am MYSELF to travel.  This is what's wrong with me. No matter if it's necessary or not, I can't turn off my mom-ness. It kinda grosses me out sometimes.

Back to the babymoon!  We're going to Vegas, baby.  This means we have to get on a plane.  And fly.  To another state.  Aahh... nervous!  But funny enough, we went to Vegas for our babymoon before we had our first son so it's kind of funny to think about what we did then vs. what we'll do now.  The best part?  I'M NOT PREGNANT!!  So I can get all sorts of crazy.  Well, sort of.  Unfortunately, and probably fortunately, my tolerance is not what it used to be, but I plan to test the limits a bit this weekend.  Why not?  Tired?  Sleep in. Hungover?  Sleep in. Eat greasy food.  Sleep in some more.  And if that doesn't work, drink more!  You know, the old hair of the dog trick.  Big talking is what this all is.  The whole reason we're going is for a Brad Paisley concert on Saturday night.  (Our boots are packed and ready - photo above!)  Parker is a HUGE music fan.  When we first met, he was always going to shows around the city, or meeting friends for different music festivals all over the country. He likes a little of everything, but has been getting in touch with his inner hillbilly the last few years so he's been listening to more country.  I grew up on it, and I don't have to go far to reach my inner hillbilly.  I can belt out old Johnny Cash, Charlie Pride, Patsy Cline, Merle Haggard, Dolly Parton and my 8 year old self's favorite, Tanya Tucker.  If there's one thing my brain holds onto tighter than 1970s and 80s commercial jingles, it's the music we listened to growing up.  Often from the bed of my dad's toyota pickup with the little sliding window opened up for our listening enjoyment as we sat bundled up in our sleeping bags and blue hanes zip up hoodies to keep warm on our 2 hour drive to the beach.  I took a break from country during after about junior high, poo pooing it because that's what my weirdo parents listened to.  I started getting back into it about 10 years ago and I'll admit, I totally love it.

I was going to surprise Parker with the Vegas trip but then a wrench was thrown into my plan.  He travels like crazy for work and he just made companion status with Southwest Airlines.  This means, I, as his "companion," will now fly for free anytime I fly with him.  Well, I couldn't pass up using that little perk so I broke down and told him about my plan. He was shocked.  Shocked and stoked!  (See, inner hillbilly. Who uses that word...)  So together we planned our Vegas babymoon. We're taking the last flight out on Friday night, getting into Vegas at 9:30.  Our plan is to dump our bag at the hotel, and head out for the night.  I really don't remember the last time my night out started after 7pm, let alone 10pm.  We'll probably just get some drinks and appetizers somewhere.  Then Parker will hit the tables.  I may shop or play some slots.  Either way, I'll probably stay out with him to make sure his balls don't get too big playing blackjack. He's a great gambler, comes with his crazy math master of a brain, BUT he likes the drinky drinky.  Especially if he doesn't have to wakey wakey!  So this is what happens when he goes to Vegas: 11pm up a bit, midnight, doubled his money, 1am starting to slur and lose, 2am drunk and totally gonna win it back (balls talking for him), 3am hammered and broke.   If I can stay awake and monitor my IV of chardonnay well enough, I'll try to drag him back to the hotel before the 1am blur sets in.  For both of us.

Our dear friends live in Vegas. We haven't yet met the latest addition to their family - a 6 month old baby girl joins her 2 1/2 year old sister.  We'll spend the afternoon with them, then they'll head back home to put the girls down for a nap and we'll all get ready for the night.  They're joining us for dinner and the concert.  We're having dinner at Stripsteak, Michael Mina's first steakhouse. We love Michael Mina in the city so we have high hopes for overindulging at Stripsteak.  Our reservation is at 5:45. How's that for wild and crazy!   The concert starts around 7. Scotty McReery, yep from American Idol, opens the show, followed by my new fave The Band Perry then the man himself, Brad Paisley.  It should be an interesting night.  Our friends are a showgirl and calf roping cowboy respectively.  Sounds fun, right!  Mister cowboy is hysterically funny and always the life of the party and then some.  I'm sure the night will be filled with lots of laughs. I can't wait.  It's a rare occasion to get to hang out with such good friends, sans kids, enjoying good food, good drinks and good music!

My excitement about the weekend is reinvigorated just by typing up this post.  I'll try to enjoy the kid free moments as I'm sure over the coming year, there will be few to none.

Adoption paperwork update:
Nada from the social worker since I emailed back all the details she asked for.  Not even a thank you.  Shocker!

Made contact with the Assistant Stork to get going on the paperwork for our dossier.  I have to get a FedEx account number, have some documents sent from our agency to the Assistant Stork (from hereon labeled as AS), get our police clearance letter from the town of Moraga, and fill out the financial certificate. The other docs are done or ready.  We were going to get the police clearance this week but we blew it off.  My plan is to get all the documents I have out to the AS next week so she can get started getting them all certified by the state, embassy, etc.  The last piece of that pie will be the notarized copy of the homestudy and the approval from USCIS.  Realistically we're probably at lest 8-10 weeks away from having the approval as I don't foresee having the homestudy for at least a week or two.  But from a glass is half full approach, at least we have plenty of time to get all of the certifications without having to rush or pay for anything to be expedited.  It's been nice to have some other things going on to keep my energy focused elsewhere while we idle in place. I have a big week of workouts planned next week.  I'm hoping to be too exhausted each night to spend any time or energy worrying about adoption stuff.

The best laid plans...

We did it!

We did it!  We pulled off a halfway decent, albeit, Caucasian-laced, Chinese New Year celebration.  I am proud to say we all had a good time, learned a little and got even more excited about plans to celebrate with and for baby sister in the coming years.

This picture is of the bowl of tangerines, the red envelopes and gold coins, and the vase of narcissus for good fortune and luck. The sweets tray was very Caucasian and was almost too much for the boys. They just sat at the table looking at all the treats and talking about how they would divide and conquer.  Or, rather, devour!  Don't look too closely though as I admit, I used a few things that weren't exactly traditional CNY treats, nor were they even Chinese.  A few Japanese treats and one or two made in Singapore.  I promise to plan ahead next year and make sure to get it spot on.  But for this white chick's first attempt, I say, not too shabby, eh!    The boys loved the little lovey pandas and all the tasty, chewy and gummy treats.  The colorful fortune cookies were fruit flavored.  Interesting, but I think I like the more traditional version.  The boys slept with their red envelope/ hóngbāo under their pillows and already have plans on how to put the money to good use.  I wish I could say they want to do something useful or thoughtful with it.  But they don't. They want to go to this crappy little restaurant in town and spend it on junk from the toy and candy machines in the "game room."  Oh well, they're excited.  And the gold coins are now "gold doubloons" aka pirate treasure.  I tried to explain that they're Chinese coins and to look at the dragon on one side.  Little guy cocked his head and said "Yes, but mommy, there are pirates in China too." Good point.  Maybe not are, but were.  Close enough.

We also hung a couple of different strands of garland and a big, dragon that the boys giggled at. They thought he looked like some sort of "weird, mustached man."  He kinda does.  It's the best I could do in the time I had.  Next year we'll get something a little more authentic. Or maybe, just maybe, I'll pull out my inner Martha and create one with them.

I mentioned before that I got the okay from my CNY consultant to go out for dinner.  We went to our local Asian restaurant, Asia Palace.  It's Japanese and Chinese.  A funny little spot.  But so yummy!  We feasted on sizzling rice soup, potstickers, kung pao chicken, salt & pepper prawns, crispy duck and chow mein.  Unfortunately we didn't have the fish we had hoped/planned to. No cooked fish on the menu and it seemed weird to add sushi to the mix.  So, next year, along with traditional Chinese sweets, and an authentic, less creepy dragon, we will add fish to our dinner.  Maybe I'll be able to pull off a home cooked Chinese meal by then.  See, it's a good thing I'm putting all of this in writing. I'm committing!

As good luck would have it, we also heard back from our social worker yesterday.  She needed a laundry list of details.  She said it was due to the new hague requirements but pffft, I know better.  There aren't any new requirements.  It's a little offensive that she thinks we know so little about the process.  What a jerk.  A tardy and slow one at that.  The most frustrating part, aside from this keeping us from progressing forward, is that it cost us $3,000.  Yep, three!  Thousand!  DOLLARS!  The least she could do is show up on time, be honest, and turn in her work in a timely manner.  Shoot, I can think of dozens of people who would jump at the chance to do 8 hours of face-time work and a written report for 3 grand.  The worst part, however, is that all of the details she asked for are in the paper chase documents she already has.  Just too lazy to look them up herself.  So, tardy, slow and lazy.  I'm being mean but whatever.  Don't judge. I may even pour myself a glass of wine and it's not even 5:00.  Neener, neener, neener. What's worse, a meanie, or a wino?  At least I'm not a nag!

Oh and she also dangled a carrot that I hope she drops sooner, rather than later.  I have a feeling she'll snatch it back up before that happens.  The carrot - "You'll see when you get to proofread it.  :-)  Almost done" and her parting words "Hang in there.  We are getting close."  You're killing me Smalls!

Distractions

Thankfully I've had a few distractions this week otherwise I'd be going even nuttier over the lack of communication regarding our homestudy.


The biggest distraction has weighed heavy on my heart and mind since I found out about it a week and a half or so ago. A classmate of our older son has been diagnosed, and is receiving treatment for, Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.  A beautiful, vibrant kindergartner is now undergoing the battle of her life.  Unfair doesn't even begin to describe it.  I reached out to the mom right away.  She's a lovely girl.  So gracious for the support she's getting from the community.  She's also a single mom to two girls; the kindergartener and her second grader sister.  She  had to quit her job in order to stay home to take care of her daughter.  Gut punch after gut punch.  I well up just thinking about it.  There is a lot of community support here, thank goodness.  We are all pitching in for different things to help them out.  There will be many meals delivered, a gaming system, an iPad, rides to and fro for the older daughter, along with help getting her a bus pass.  We're doing all we can as a family to help them out but it still feels insignificant.  Insignificant in that we are doing something so minor and unimportant considering what they're dealing with now all day, every day. And it makes me realize my issues really are just that, totally insignificant.  So big deal, I don't know what's going on with our homestudy or I'm feeling terrible because I've had the flu all week (distraction #2), but that's nothing compared to the shit deal that girl and her family have been dealt.  


Can you say flu shot anyone?  Shoulda, woulda, coulda.  LeveIed for a couple of days then felt a little better on day 3 and resumed my normal hustle and bustle ... couple of meetings and errands and maid duties ... and woke up the next day wrecked again.  Thankfully I'm finally feeling better but now I'm totally freaking behind.  Behind on where I wanted to be on adoption stuff and behind on preparing for our Chinese New Year (distraction #3) dry run. Figure we have this year to work the kinks out so we don't totally screw up next year when we're celebrating it for real for baby sister.  I've got the red envelopes.  I will finish cleaning the house today.  I started yesterday but thanks to this damn flu, I pooped out after I changed the sheets on bed #3.  Ugh.  I ordered a boat load of decorations (banners and dragons) and trinkets (Chinese bead bracelets and gold coins).  My CNY consultant, aka my friend Fanny, giver of the Chinese barbies, is coaching me through it.  We'll set out a bowl of tangerines, leaves and stems attached for long lasting relationships.  We'll also have a vase of narcissus symbolizing good fortune and prosperity. Thankfully she said it would be okay to go out for dinner.  I'll toot my own horn to say I'm a fabo cook, but, I have never made any authentic Chinese food. I know, I better get crackin.  And I will.  But I've been sick people!  And you can't just turn a culinary corner overnight.  So, we'll go out to this funny little place in town. It's Japanese and Chinese and they give you a bag of produce as you leave.  Anyhoo, we will only order Chinese, which will be a challenge as the boys looooove sushi.  And we'll make sure to order noodles for longevity and fish for prosperity.  I hope I'm getting all of this right and if not, I apologize and with help, hope to get it right next year!  Pictures to follow. 


Just for fun I posted descriptions of the 12 animal signs of the Taoist Zodiac.  


Gong Xi Fa Cai from the ox, the sheep, the dog and the rat!  

Calligraphy	Short Description
	RAT is the first sign of the Taoist zodiac. Rat represents the beginning of the winter season (winter solstice) and the seed of new growth. Because Rat is number one, the ability to be first in all things is a Rat trait. This first earthly branch represents December, the eleventh month in the Taoist lunar calendar. December is the time of Sagittarius, Rat's western counterpart. RAT YEARS: 1900, 1912, 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008, 2020
	OX is the second sign. This phase represents the beginning stages of a plant's growth, the seed's struggle to break out of confinement and sprout. This determination and perseverance in struggle are Ox qualities. This second earthly branch represents January, the twelfth lunar month. January is the time of Capricorn, Ox's western counterpart. OX YEARS: 1901, 1913, 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009, 2021
	TIGER is the third sign. This phase is symbolized by the vigilant new sprout that has just broken free from the earth. People born in a Tiger year share the same positive and upward-reaching qualities as a growing sprout. This third earthly branch represents February, the first lunar month. February is the time of Aquarius, Tiger's western counterpart. TIGER YEARS: 1902, 1914, 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010, 2022
	HARE is the fourth sign. This phase is the beginning of spring. It symbolizes the effortless growth of plants in warm, magical spring light. The gentle qualities of springtime are traits of those born in Hare year. This fourth earthly branch represents March, the second lunar month. March is the time of Pisces, Hare's western counterpart. HARE YEARS: 1903, 1915, 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011, 2023
	DRAGON is the fifth sign. This phase happens when plants are growing and vigorously expanding. The life force, the yang part of the universe, is very strong. This powerful life force is fully visible in people who are born in the year of the Dragon. This fifth earthly branch represents April, the third lunar month. April is the time of Aries, Dragon's western counterpart. DRAGON YEARS: 1904, 1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012, 2024
	SERPENT is the sixth sign. During this phase, plants have completed their growth. This turning point brings the outward growth inward, turning vigor and power into wisdom. These characteristics are reflected in people born in the year of the Serpent. This sixth earthly branch symbolizes May, the fourth lunar month. May is the time of Taurus, Serpent's western counterpart. SERPENT YEARS: 1905, 1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013, 2025
	HORSE is the seventh sign. This phase occurs when the sun is brightest (summer solstice) and the plants are strong, having reached maturity. Horse people possess a sunny disposition and are bright, open, and cheerful. This seventh earthly branch symbolizes June, the fifth lunar month. June is the time of Gemini, Horse's western counterpart. HORSE YEARS: 1906, 1918, 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014, 2026
	SHEEP is the eighth sign. It is the phase when plants are ripening and all is peaceful. This gentle peacefulness is the core of Sheep's nature. The eighth sign symbolizes July, the sixth lunar month. July is the time of Cancer, Sheep's western counterpart. SHEEP YEARS: 1907, 1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003, 2015, 2027
	MONKEY is the ninth sign. During this phase, crops are ready to harvest. That is why Monkeys naturally have so many developed talents and abilities. This ninth earthly branch symbolizes August, the seventh lunar month. August is the time of Leo, Monkey's western counterpart. MONKEY YEARS: 1908, 1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004, 2016, 2028
	PHOENIX is the tenth sign. This phase occurs during the month of harvest and prosperity. Responsibility, duty, and satisfaction for work well done characterizes people born in the year of the Phoenix. This tenth earthly branch symbolizes September, the eighth lunar month. September is the time of Virgo, Phoenix's western counterpart. PHOENIX YEARS: 1909, 1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005, 2017, 2029
	DOG is the eleventh sign. During this phase plants gradually disintegrate and return to mother earth while the animals prepare for winter. This ability to diligently prepare and be responsible are qualities of those born in the year of the Dog. This eleventh earthly branch symbolizes October, the ninth lunar month. October is the time of Libra, Dog's western counterpart. DOG YEARS: 1910, 1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006, 2018, 2030
	PIG is the twelfth sign. This is the phase when earth is at rest in winter, and a sense of peacefulness is prevalent. Love of rest and cultivation of peace are Pig qualities. This twelfth earthly branch symbolizes November, the tenth lunar month. November is the time of Scorpio, Pig's western counterpart. PIG YEARS: 1911, 1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007, 2019, 2031

Naggy Nancy...

I said it once and I'll say it again. I  hate nagging. Hate it!  I don't want to be a nag. I don't want to nag anyone, ever, never.  Don't make me nag you!  It's annoying.  But our homestudy still isn't done and it's driving me bananas.

We had our last meeting with our social worker on December 22nd.  As she left, she told us she would email us some questions in the next few days as questions always arise when she sits down to type up the homestudy.  Well we got nothing. Nada.  Zilch.  So I patiently waited until after the holidays.  I waited exactly 2 weeks.  It took her 5 days to get back to me and after answering her reply, I have yet to hear back from her again.  So tonight, I caved.  I just nagged her again.  A naggy waggy email sent off just minutes ago.  I disguised it as trying to be helpful... i.e. just wanted to make sure you don't have any questions I can help answer.  and by they way, how's it coming along?... but who am I kidding. I'm being a nag.  I'm sure I'm annoying her but if she would just throw us a bone, maybe send us a draft, I would back the heck off.  It's killin me!

I'm not nagging to nag because, again, we all hate a nag.  BUT!  But, we can't do anything until the homestudy is finalized.  We need it to accompany our I-800 application and we need the I-800 approval (title TBD if I ever figure out what that part is) to send with our dossier.  So she's holding up the whole freaking process.  We are officially at a standstill.  I need forward progress pronto.  Maybe it's time to finally look at the dreaded checklist of special needs.
   

China Docs

This is a shot of one of the many pages of the file you get when you get a match and/or request info on one of the special focus kids on the shared website for our agency.  

So we got through the paper chase and finished our homestudy.  Just before our final homestudy meeting, I met with the international coordinator for our agency.  She's an amazing, amazing woman. So much knowledge.  So compassionate. So wise!  We talked with her on the phone very early in the process, just to get a better idea of what countries would and would not work for us, so I knew going into this meeting that she would be a great person to just re-confirm our plans to go with the china waiting child program.  


She first walked me through a checklist of the documents we would need to compile for our dossier.  The good news is that many of them were already done during our paper chase, such as the china medical physical exam form, employment verification, The bummer is that some of those documents now need to go to the state capitol to get state certified/apostilled and then some of those, along with others, will need to go to the Chinese embassy in San Francisco to get authenticated.  


Birth Certificates - Oh what fun.  They have to get authenticated at the Chinese embassy which has jurisdiction over the states in which we were born.  That means Parker's birth certificate has to go to the Chinese embassy in Chicago to get authenticated.  What a pain in the ass.  Thankfully the embassy here in SF has jurisdiction over the state of Washington so mine can just go with the other documents. Woo hoo, one tiny detail goes in our favor.


Application Letter - We also have to write up a an application letter.  In this letter we basically outline our intentions of adopting a girl with minor to repairable special needs who is up to 2 years and 3 months old. We promise to love and take care of her and never abuse her.  Kind of a stiff piece of writing but it's a requirement.  


Certificate of Financial Status - just what it says... a document listing our assets, income, life insurance values, bank account balances, investments and liabilities, credit card debt, mortgage, etc.


Police Clearance Letter - We have to get a notarized letter from the local city or county police station stating we do not have a criminal record in their office.  We haven't done this yet but it sounds pretty easy.  We show up in person, with our driver's licenses and social security numbers, pay the 26 bucks and return in 2 days to pick up the letter.  


Reference Letters - We include 3 of the 4 reference letters we originally obtained for the agency paper chase.  We also have to include the reference letter from the kindergarten teacher .. but for the China requirements, that letter now has to get notarized.  Too bad we didn't get a heads up about this before.  Now we have to impose on the teacher yet again, to take time to do this.  Thankfully we live in a small town and can just make an appointment at the UPS store based on what will be most convenient for her. I'll still feel like a heel asking her for another favor.


I-797C approval - Ha!  Not even sure what this is. Maybe it's what we'll get back after we send in our I-800 application.  I'll have to look into this.  


There is also some additional info about travel.  Most adoption fees are requested in U.S. cash.  So it looks like we'll be rollin.  That'll be fun.  And nerve wracking. Nothing like traveling in a country you've never been to, with a ton of dough strapped on in your money belt.  We can wire the orphange fee nd the fee to the travel agency before we go.  


They also recommend we get vaccinations for Hep A and Hep B before we go.  We hadn't previously thought about Hep A but will add that to our list.  I had already discussed Hep B with my doctor during part 2 of my medical exam.  The order is in and I just have to show up and start the series of 2-3 injections.  We added this to our to do list because one of the little girls, whose file we looked at, has Hep B.  Yes, I mentioned we looked at a file.  We've actually reviewed 2 files. More on that later.


There is also a packing list included. Which is helpful and ridiculous at the same time.  I wonder if it's as useless as the packing list you get for your trip to the hospital to birth your bio kid.  I'm not even sure I opened the suitcase up again after getting out my toothbrush, contact solution and contact case.  I learned after baby #1 that bringing all those brand new granny panties was worthless. The mesh panties they give you at the hospital are far superior, comfort-wise, do a much better job keeping everything in place and the best part - you can just throw them away!  Then, after baby #2, I did actually strap on the bra I brought along with some of those terrible, awful boobyliner pads you stick in to absorb the breast milk.  How much did those suck?!  But I was a milk making machine so I had to use them, or risk an embarrassing amount of leakage during my laps around the post-partum unit.  So packing list, shmacking list. At least this time if I forget something, it won't result in embarrassing bodily fluid issues.  I'll read it after the tickets are bought and the suitcases are brought in from the garage. 


The most useful document included is "Medical Resources with International Adoption Experience."  These practices are willing to review referral information (the medical file you get on the child you get matched with).  Most require a fee and some just take a donation.  I have two of them starred and will contact them in the next couple of weeks to help determine who we will work with and set up an agreement so that when the file comes, we can zip it over to them for a quick, but of course, thorough, review before we make our decision. I think we get 72 hours. I'll also have our pediatrician review the file and give us her $.02 as well as she'll be an integral part of the ongoing care of baby sister. That and the fact that she's just a great person, warm sense of support and encouragement and speaks to us like fellow adults/parents.  


At the end of the conversation I just asked her if there were other countries we should give consideration to or should reconsider before pulling the trigger and finalizing China.  We talked through India and Ethiopia as I just needed to make sure they wouldn't be possibilities in the near future. We also talked through Uganda.  They (our agency) are running a pilot program, so to speak, in Uganda.  But the uncertainty of the process, the power that rests with the lone lawyer who will confirm or deny your adoption case, and the length of stay required ruled out Uganda for us.  If we didn't have children already, I could see us traveling around to build a family from many countries.  But the reality is we have children who have to go to school and a money maker who needs to go to work.  Without the money he makes, none of this would be possible. So no changes to our country plans. We're sticking with China.  


We've decided to go with "The Assistant Stork" for getting the state certifications/apostilling and embassy authentications.  There's a fee to this, obviously, but it's well worth the cost to get this very time consuming task done for us. If I did it myself, I would have to get a sitter for at least a couple of days and then trek on up to the capitol one day and then sit around at the embassy another day.  And let's face it, I don't even know what I'm doing so I'm sure 2 planned days would turn into 4 days total. That's a lot of time and babysitting money and gas and frustration.  So this week I'm going to call the assistant stork to start getting this stuff where it needs to go.  


Hope this post wasn't too boring for you.  I got bored re-reading it to make sure it all made sense.  But I can't help it. I'm putting all the steps of the process out there. The easy ones and the hard ones, the boring ones, those that require help from others, those that require a significant amount of research or writing or soul searching.  And hopefully soon, once we're through all of those, onto the fun and exciting things we get to think about, talk about and plan for!

and the chatter begins

This photo is of the drawer in baby sister's room where we're gathering things for her.

We hadn't intended to talk to the boys in any sort of detail about our adoption plans until we got to a point that the timing was such that they could really get it.  They're little kids and they don't get that we're starting the adoption prooocessss.  This is how they think - Little guy asks about once a week "Are we going to China this day to pick up our baby sister?"  But we had to start talking to them about it before our first social worker visit.  We had mentioned it to them before and kind of asked them what they would think if we got a baby sister.  One of the best conversations I  had with the older one came after watching Despicable Me on Pizza/Movie night (that's our Friday thang).  Yes, it's a little ridiculous that a movie helped drive the message home, but hey, it was a total coincidence.  I'll spare you the details, but at the end of the night, I'm giving the older kid a snuggle before leaving the room.  Parker was traveling for work.  We're lying there talking and he says "Mommy, can you see how big my smile is?"  I replied "Yes, honey, I can. That's a pretty big smile."  He said "Mommy, it's because I'm so, so excited to have a baby sister.  I wish we could get her tomorrow."  My eyes welled up and I knew that we were doing the right thing for our family.  Later that night I called Parker and told him about the conversations.  I think he thought I was full of shit.

At this point a few people knew about our plans.  But over the next week, or so, the cat was out of the bag in a very public way.  Little guy told his preschool teacher and then at big kid's soccer practice, little guy was sitting in my lap. I was sitting shoulder to shoulder with a friend who is also older kid's good buddy's mom.  Little guy says to me "Mommy, when are we going to China to pick up our baby sister?"  I couldn't say "Shut up blabbermouth!" So I just calmly replied that it would be in a very long time and wouldn't be until the summer, after their birthdays.  Friend on the right looks at me curiously with one eyebrow up.  And so it begins.  I told her that we were in the process of adopting and talked a little about where we were in the process.  Then a bunch of the other mothers ears pricked up and next thing I know I'm telling people I don't even really know about it.  Remember earlier me mentioning I talk too much?  Well, this was another great example.  But what was I to do?  I can't be selective about only telling our inner circle, versus new friends who I know we'll be dear ones over time, versus well meaning acquaintances.  If I was pregnant, everyone who saw me would know so why should this be any different?

The difference, however, is that we don't yet know who baby sister will be.  We also don't have ultimate control over the timing.  But regardless, the chatter begins ... on the soccer field "So, have you heard anything?"  In the produce section at Safeway "Hey, I've been meaning to ask you, what's going on with your adoption?"  At school pick up or drop off "Any news on the, you know?" You all are just plain interested, I know.  It's a different way of becoming a parent and the process is fascinating from the outside.  We get the normal questions about the process but we also get the questions we aren't yet prepared to answer or ready to share, because it feels, well, a little premature.  Or maybe even inappropriate.  Not on the part of the asker, but on our part, as the answerer, as parents of a special needs child.  Questions about how we're going to do her room, or what her name will be.  Sure amongst ourselves we're tossing around some ideas, but we also have to balance the more important questions like where will we take her for medical treatment because that, we know for sure, will be necessary. Who are the best pediatric surgeons?  And who will we choose for therapy?  Or rather therapists. There may be one or all of occupational, speech, physical, or social skills therapy.  Shoot, we may all need therapy if this doesn't go as well as we're hoping.  If baby sister has attachment disorder, which is a real possibility, we may all need some help getting through this.

But it's not all that serious either.  We do enjoy talking about it and thinking about it and heck, writing about it!  And ask away, as I'll always do my best to give a straight, honest answer.  But if it seems like maybe I haven't thought something through because my answer is vague and/or incomplete, it may be because either I haven't, or that I feel uncomfortable talking about the frou frou details when it seems like my responsibility is to answer the more important/big picture questions first.  Trust me, I would love to get together for coffee and talk about decor ideas for baby sister's room. Especially after having far too much navy blue and red and enough with the jeans and t-shirts already. Tell me the best places to buy little girl clothes and hair clips and dolls.  I am not a girly girl, but I am truly excited about those things.  I just feel like before I can allow myself to do/talk about the fun stuff, I have to get through the tough stuff.  Especially since we haven't even nailed down the special needs we are willing to consider.  There is actually a document we have to fill out. It lists all of the special needs and then a space to check under the yes column, the no column, or the maybe column.  A list we find so intimidating and so depressing to look at that we have yet to fill it out.  We have looked at it and we have talked about it but every time we both just sort of grimace and get saddened by the fact that for every line we check no to, we're saying no to a child who is just as deserving as the next of our love.

So while we haven't yet decided on what the package of baby sister will come with, who her support team will be, what her name will be or what her room will look like, she is in our thoughts and we are starting to incorporate her into our home.  My dear friend Fanny gave us baby sister's first dolls.  Or rather Barbies. Chinese barbies!  How cool is that?  I didn't even know such a thing existed so I was so excited to see them and I hope that giving baby sister a doll who looks like her may be pretty darn comforting when everyone around her looks big and scary and WHITE!  And the boys are totally into coming up with ideas for baby sister.  Little guy thinks her room should be popol and pink because girls like popol and pink.  And the older one made her a little picture of stickers.  I don't know what it is and I have a hunch he had angry birds on his mind when he did it but regardless, it was thoughtful and he put it in a drawer in the closet in baby sister's room.  The room and closet are still being used for guests and storage but we are using that one special drawer to gather things for baby sister.  The Chinese Barbies are in there, as are the sing-a-ma-jigs the boys got for Christmas last year and rather than give them away, they thought baby sister may like them.  There is also a little Disney Princess necklace the older kid got out of a machine at a restaurant intentionally for baby sister.  These little, thoughtful details are fun and heartwarming and take the edge off the looming questions we've yet to answer.

Yahoo groups overload .. make it stop!

Short and sweet.  Somewhere along the way it was suggested to join the yahoo group for our agency.  Or more specifically their yahoo group for the waiting child program.  So I did, of course. The more help I can get, the better. After all, nobody we know has adopted so we don't have much in the way of tangible resources to tap into.

I joined the group and signed up to just get a daily digest of the posts.  Good Lord!  Be careful what you wish for is right.  There are more subjects bouncing around on there than I knew possible.  This was my first introduction to "the lingo" .. all these acronyms I've never heard of and am already intimidated by.  Heck, I still type out each and every word of each and every text message I send so good luck on getting me up and running on this one.  Even posts from families while they're in China about how the transition is going with their new wee one.  Seriously. These people are really into this yahoo groups business.  Since I joined so early on in our process, I decided to stop hyperventilating after reading the digest first thing every morning .. and just avoid reading it until I felt a little more confident about our process and had a little more understanding of the subject matter.  I still find it totally intimidating to read about someone's third or fourth adoption, their packing list, and sight seeing plans. But I'm hopeful that as we eek closer to actually traveling that I'll acclimate much like I did earlier on.  I think the expertise of some of the "elders" will always be intimidating.  I still feel like even though I'm getting done what I need to get done, that I may not be doing everything right and am, any day now, going to get one of my documents back with a big red "X" through it and an "F" written on the top.  And I certainly am not good enough at this whole thing to give anybody else any advice or feedback.  Thankfully there are plenty of those people out there, helping the rest of us along.

Just a little glimpse of what I wake up to every morning.  The shortest digests were just a few posts (Christmas time) and the longer ones reach a dozen or so.  Maybe not intimidating to you but if you're me .. looking at how much is left on your timeline .. and you don't even know what some of these things mean because you have yet to reach that milestone in your process .. well, it makes you throw up, just a wee bit, in your mouth.  Just when you think you're making progress, you read one of these.  But in the end, I'll be wrapping my arms around baby sister and this will all be a fleeting memory.  Or a recurring nightmare.

1a.

Re: HELP! I'm panicking... Please answer a silly question QUICK! From: 

1b.

Re: HELP! I'm panicking... Please answer a silly question QUICK! From: 

1c.

Re: HELP! I'm panicking... Please answer a silly question QUICK! From:

1d.

Re: HELP! I'm panicking... Please answer a silly question QUICK! From: 

1e.

Re: HELP! I'm panicking... Please answer a silly question QUICK! From:

1f.

Re: HELP! I'm panicking... Please answer a silly question QUICK! From: 

2a.

Re: We got our PA :) From: 

2b.

Re: We got our PA :) From:

2c.

Re: We got our PA :) From: 

3a.

Re: LOA has made it to BAAS From: 

3b.

Re: LOA has made it to BAAS From: 

3c.

Re: LOA has made it to BAAS From: 

3d.

Re: LOA has made it to BAAS From: 

3e.

Re: LOA has made it to BAAS From: 

4a.

Adoption from Shanghai From: 

4b.

Re: Adoption from Shanghai From: 

4c.

Re: Adoption from Shanghai From: 

4d.

Re: Adoption from Shanghai From: 

4e.

Re: Adoption from Shanghai From: 

5.

Kate/Fiona- aging out girl with Thalassemia needs a family SOON! From: 

6a.

Vaccination Waiver From: 

6b.

Re: Vaccination Waiver From: 

The Binder...

The first photo is all of the documents required for the first phase of the paper chase. The second is THE binder.



Ugh. It's huge. It's intimidating. But it's the first obstacle on the path to baby sister, so let's do this!

Of course as is my personality, I read through the binder after we got the boys to bed on the same day we went to class and received the binder. I scribbled some notes and made to do lists for myself and Parker. Mine was much longer as, let's face it .. the more tasks I gave to him = more nagging I would have had to do. And if there's one thing I hate, it's a nag. I hate nagging. I hate being nagged. There's not a stereotypical term about describing one's wife that I'd more like to avoid. So, my to do list is about 30 items long, his is about 10. And may have ended up at about 5.

The third section of the binder has the bulk of what I will lovingly refer to as the paper chase. It became my part-time job the last quarter of the year. Much like getting our kid into kindergarten was last year at the same time. What a waste of time that was.  This year, however, all I could think about is the little girl I will get to love someday .. and not all the parents I would come to loathe, like, tomorrow! So the "forms for the filling" go something like this:

Fee Schedule

Agency Flow Chart - when things happen, when this or that fee gets paid

Document Checklist

Adoption Services Agreement

Family Descriptions

Family Brief

Reference Letters - 4 of them - notarized

Medical Exam - notarized

Financial Statement

Employment and Salary Verification - notarized

Request for Live Scan Services

Child Abuse Clearance Forms

Agency Waiver Form

Disclosure of Pregnancy - notarized

Bank Statements - 3 months

Mortgage Statement

Fed. Income Tax - last 3 years

Certified Birth Certificates

Passports

Certified Marriage Certificates

Health Insurance Cards

China Medical Exam Forms - notarized

Arrest Record Information

Therapist Letter Guideline - if applicable

Physician Letter Guideline - for medical conditions if applicable

Letter to your child(ren)'s Teacher or Principal

Child Medical

Yep, that's a lot of stuff to fill out, ask for, search for and nail down.

To get started we had to knock the first few things off of the above list in order to kick-off our homestudy.  This is how we got the ball officially rolling.

Fee Schedule - pay agency admin fee and 1st half of homestudy fee

Adoption Services Agreement - sign and return with above checks

Family Descriptions - This was not as easy as you may think. I got so tired of talking, well, writing about myself. It was worse than the days the boys are so rotten that I get sick of my own voice. Describe what kind of person you are.. your strengths, your weaknesses, what would you like to change, what type of family did you grow up in, your interests, how do you spend your leisure time, how do you deal with stress, talk about the relationship with you and your spouse, how might adopting change your relationship with your spouse, and on, and on, and on. Blech. My first thought was pour a glass of wine and take a crack at it. But then one glass leads to two and the next thing you know, I'm writing how much I love you guys and I can't waaaait to have a little guuurrrl. So, I sat down at the kids table with the ipad on it's little keyboard dock and started pounding away. I tried to sound like the person I want to be. Smart, sensible, empathetic, gracious and above all, a rock star of a mom. Because after all, I could be a total jerk of a friend and a crappy wife, but I have to prove that I can do this mom thing so that they'll give us a kid! Mine came out okay but it sounded a little sappy and a little too braggy but it's not like you want to write all the boring, negative stuff so I left it at that. Parker took a week or two to write his. Yes, I had to nag which ticked us both off. But we couldn't get the home study going until we turned these in so snap, snap skippy! Turns out good things come to those who wait, or take a while. That guy totally school's me in the make myself sound really good on paper category. Some of you may know him as the Coors light drinking, hockey obsessed narcoleptic that he is. Others may know the smarty pants work Parker who kicks ass and takes names all day long. Either way, you also know he is bright and articulate and much more well spoken than any of us ever will be. So at least one of us sounds like a decent enough parent that we may just be found eligible to adopt!

Family Brief - A 10 page document that you fill in and check selections regarding your children (ages, names, etc.), your education, employment history, health and medical info, doctor's names, insurance information for medical, dental and life, citizenship info, the type of child you hope to adopt, and housing info, what type of house, own, rent, pool, guns in the house, all sorts of oddball inquiries.

I got all of this sent back a couple of weeks after our class and then we started in with the home study which is a cornerstone of the process as it culminates with the document simply called the homestudy which will accompany the other two pieces of the 3 part pie that gets you to your kid.  Those 3 important pieces of pie are as follows;

1. Homestudy

2. I-800 application to US Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services

3. Dossier to China

The homestudy is a little like what it sounds like but it should be called a Social Worker Investigation. It's a series of "visits" from a social worker. Some adoption agencies may have you meet at their office or at the social workers office for some visits with a final visit or two in your home. Our homestudy was all conducted in our home. Our social worker asked that we all be home for the first one, that she meet one on one for the second and third visits (one with me, one with Parker) and then all of us for the fourth and final. We were so nervous for the first one. Well, I was nervous. Or maybe freaked out is a better word. Writing about myself for the family description was tough enough. The last thing I wanted to do was then have to listen to myself talk more about myself. We were all ready for the social worker to arrive. We dressed casually. Made a fire. Waited. And waited. I think she was 30-45 minutes late. But it wasn't as bad as we anticipated. The questions were simple and the right words came easy. The boys were perfectly well behaved. Duh. They're angels! Ha, not really. They're great kids but we got lucky that morning. She was here for almost 2 hours. She asked really general questions... why we want to adopt, where we're from, where we went to college, what we do or have done professionally, how the boys feel about adoption, that kind of stuff. She also encouraged us to start thinking about the types of special needs we would be willing to take and to think about the travel plans in more depth as we're all going to China to pick up baby sister. She suggested taking another adult with us who would be able to get the boys out of the hotel and having some fun as we may be in the trenches getting baby sister to ... let us touch her, eat, stop crying, etc. We hadn't thought of that so that was a good suggestion, maybe the one bit of food for thought to come out of the first meeting.

After the first homestudy meeting we kept chugging along on paperwork. We agreed on a deadline of Christmas to get the documents submitted to our agency. I know Parker thought I was a madwoman and wished for more time BUT as a mom, I'm always thinking ahead.  If we could in any way make it possible to bring baby sister home during the summer, that would be ideal.  All 4 of us will be traveling and it will be much easier to take the trip in the summer or early fall, than smack in the middle of the school year.  And it means allowing us all more time to bond and ease into a routine than would coming home, rushing the boys back to school, waking up early, running around all day, you name it.  So if we could get part 1 done by year end, part 2 follows in a month or 2 and part 3 by month 3 or 4 ... putting our travel about 6 months from then.  If I lost you, that would mean paper chase docs submitted in December, Homestudy finalized in January, I-800 application submitted in January/February with approval February/March with travel by September.  Oh and somewhere in the March timeframe we will find out just who baby sister is once our Dossier gets logged in in China. Known as LID for log in date.  The whole adoption lingo still trips me out.  I'll talk about that as I get to a point where knowing the lingo comes in handy.  So our deadline was Christmas and I nervously, but happily, sent off the package of documents on 12/15/11. It was a nerve wracking handoff at the post office.  I should have just taken the day to drive the documents across the bay, down the peninsula to our agency... I would have slept better that night knowing they arrived safely.  But in the end it worked out and they were delivered the very next day.

We had our individual homestudy visits right around Thanksgiving. Our social worker totally screwed up the timing for mine. I still wonder if that was part of the homestudy.. totally mess with these people, stress them out, screw up their childcare plans and see how they handle it.  If it wasn't then it was just plain rude, disrespectful and unprofessional.  She was supposed to come I think at 2pm. The boys were going to have a play date at my friend's house. Well, she called at 1:30 to say she was just leaving Sacramento and may be late. Ya think? Sacramento is a good hour and a half away.  Long story short I took the boys over to my friend's because they had really been looking forward to it... then Parker picked them up a little while later. The individual meeting was a little nerve wracking but I got through it. She asked all about my life and asked me to start from the beginning. Hard to wrap 38 years into a single conversation. Hard and annoying.  (again, sick of hearing about myself!) Lots of stops to let her writing catch up. Yes, I know, I'm wordy, I talk a lot, I talk fast, and sometimes in circles. A social worker's nightmare. I think Parker's went fine but he didn't say much about it other than it kind of sucked and she jumped around a bit. I don't think she asked as many personal questions but then again, maybe she didn't really ask me them as much as I just blurted out the details of my life. I talk too much.  Always.  Always have and unfortunately, I probably always will.  Our final homestudy visit was right before Christmas. On the final visit the social worker has to sort of sketch out your property and get detailed info about your home, safety, if the kid will have its own room, location of nearest school, park, library and hospital. There was only one little hiccup during this meeting and I'm not going to elaborate on it because it was borderline offensive and it will sound a little douchey if I get into the details. We are thankful that our agency was able to put us at ease regarding the issue but we had about a week of uneasiness as they were closed for Christmas and so we couldn't get the issue clarified as easily as we would have liked. That was the one little hitch we've experienced since we started the paper chase and if that's the worst of it, then this process isn't so bad.

We're still waiting for our homestudy to be finalized and hope to have it in the next week or so. At the end of the homestudy, you meet with the international coordinator at our agency. I did that right before Christmas and she provided the next set of documents and requirements that will become our dossier. Just when I thought the paper chase was done! This set won't be as much work as some of the requirements are duplicates of what we've already done for the paper chase, but we have to figure out if it makes more sense to do this next step on our own or use a service, such as one called "the assistant stork" to aid us in the process. Up next... yahoo groups overload, the chatter and the China docs.

Ready, set, go!

This photo is of me and my foster mother. Thank goodness I grew into my head. Sheesh.

After we selected an agency, the first step was to take the required training, which for our agency is a full day pre-adopt class. It's lead by parents who have adopted internationally through the agency. Having just moved (there's a lot to the story of how we got to where we are now settling in and those of you who know of our moves, stop snickering and save the jokes because we've heard them all!) and losing both of our babysitters to new jobs in different states, we had to find a new sitter. So we found her and we threw her into the fire by making her babysit for 9 daytime hours (i.e. the boys were awake the ENTIRE time!).

We were actually a little nervous on our drive there. What would we have to do during this class, who else would be there. Wait, and more importantly, what do we do for lunch? We showed up a few minutes early and, gasp, our names aren't on the sign in sheet. Crap. I thought for a minute maybe we didn't make the cut. We did, in fact, have to send in an adoption application prior to signing up for the class. Deep breath... "uhh, excuse me, our names aren't on the list." Reply "oh no, that never happens. Well, just write it in." Whew!

There were about 5 couples in the class. The introduction was awwwwkward. We had to introduce ourselves and tell what lead us to consider adoption. When I say awkward, it wasn't for us because we have kids and we're comfortable and confident in our decision to adopt. It was awkward for the rest of the group. The wives would stammer a bit and say something like "well, I've just always felt I would adopt someday." read "I am not here by choice. My body and I don't agree and I would rather my body provide a baby but she feels differently about it." And the husbands were the worst. Here their poor wives were trying to keep their infertility secret because why, I don't know, there is no shame in it. It sucks. Period. It's not fair that so many of us easily conceive while others cannot. And it makes my heart sad that these women are seemingly embarrassed by it. So anyway, the wife would make something up then the husband, who as is typical, wasn't really paying attention to what had already been said and would blurt out "yeah, so we've been trying for what, honey, maybe like 4 years to get pregnant and nothing has worked so we're here." Yep, awkward. So when it came to us, we almost felt bad because here we are all cheery, ready to adopt! and we have to admit that we haven't struggled at all, and in fact have 2 great kids at home torturing the new babysitter. Teensy bit awkward.

The class covers just about every aspect of adopting. The less important stuff gets glazed over. The more important stuff we talk through in more depth. Like the travel and what it will be like... it's not sightseeing folks! You get to your country of choice and they bring your kid to your hotel then it's man to man coverage for the remainder of your trip. Which may be 2-4 weeks depending on the country. Gulp. And your child will be grieving the loss of the life she once knew. Grieving? Dang, we just kind of assumed they'd be jumping for joy because they get love and attention all day, every day. Or maybe that they get their own bed. Clean clothes. Toys! But no, in all seriousness, life in an orphanage is all they've known. And it's over at that moment they're handed over. They may have only had a few minutes of adult interaction a day but those were precious minutes to them with maybe the one person they've ever felt love from. And that person is no longer there for them. Everything is different. Sights, smells, everything. They also may have shut down emotionally which means you get nothing. Not a peep, not a cry, not a word. Or worse, they hate you because you are a big scary white person that ruined their life. That's the reality.

We also discussed the pages and pages and pages of paperwork. Some you have to get notarized, others apostilled and yet others authenticated. Okay you lost us after notarized. There was an attorney in the group and she kept right up, knew exactly what they were talking about. Basically there are three levels of verifications so to speak - first is just getting a document signed and notarized - next is getting it signed and apostilled at the state capital - and last is getting it signed and authenticated at the embassy for the country in which you plan to adopt.

There was a little time spent talking about countries. Not all agencies provide adoption services for all countries. Agencies must have some sort of relationship with a country or a specific orphanage in order to provide adoption services. One of the reasons we chose the agency we did is that they have programs for India and Ethiopia. Both countries we were interested in learning more about. At the pre-adopt class level of adoption, many couples haven't yet decided on the country. One couple in our class was interested in adopting from Colombia as the husband was born there (raised in France) and another couple was interested in India. A third, quiet, meek couple, both Chinese, were interested in China and were visibly disturbed by the revelation that the wait time for a healthy newborn from China would be about 6 years. 6 freaking years to get 1 of the thousands, probably more like millions but the Chinese government would never admit to the number of orphans they have forced upon their people...

The last big chunk of time was spent on how you plan to incorporate your child's culture into your life. We then watched a video on becoming multicultural. The video was awful. Sassy, punk kids all angry about not knowing "who" they are and not having an identity. Well, that is not adoption's fault kid! I have more thoughts on this, being an adoptee myself, but I'll save those for another post. Anyway, the video totally sucked but it did get us thinking and that's important enough.

At the end of class we walked out to the car with our huge and intimidating binder. It was like graduating from college. Here's your diploma, get on your way and yet you have no idea where to go or what to do because it's so overwhelming. Well maybe that was just for me... but that's how I felt. I had this huge task of getting all of this paperwork going and even though we just talked through it all, I had no idea how or where to get started. But as is my life, I started in on it that very night. My next post will be all about "the binder" and all its lovely forms

I'll close by overviewing how we came to decide on the country from which our daughter would hail from. We initially hoped to adopt from India. Why? Well, there are an estimated 15-25 million orphans in India. India also has I think about a third of the world's poor. There is some info out that says a few states in India have more poor than a couple of dozen African nations combined. That's a lot of hungry, needy people. India wasn't in the cards. As much as we hoped it would be we were gingerly advised that while it would be possible, that it would take a long, long time. That's due to the fact that we aren't people of Indian descent. India primarily wants their orphans to stay in their country and be adopted by their people. And if that can't happen, they want them adopted by Indians living abroad. And if that can't happen, then they may consider Indian people who are from other countries. And if that isn't the case, then they will consider prospective parents who are of Indian descent. Lastly, if they can't find any of the above, i.e. INDIANS! , they may consider whiteys like us. Yes I'm poking fun of us so don't get offended by that term. The term they use for people like us is probably worse anyway.

So then we looked into Ethiopia, which was our second choice. It COULD be an option but the program has been put on hold. The story we got is that there is a backlog of paperwork. But the insider scoop is that a certain organization that we've all heard of and maybe given charitable donations to, caused a big, ol' problem in Ethiopia. They basically gave the Ethiopian government a little bit of money, and by little bit, I mean in the millions of dollars range, to shut down their international adoptions. And so they did. For now. Sad.

So during a nice conversation with one of the women at our agency, we decided the best route for us would be China. She basically put us in our places and let us know that if our goal is to add a child to our family, have predictability of the process, and change a child's life, that there are thousands of kids in China that would fit the bill. So we are proud and excited to say that we are adopting our daughter from the Waiting Child Program in China. She will have minor to repairable special needs and we can't wait to meet her!