The Dossier has left the building!

Yesterday was a marathon of errands and somehow everything fell into place.  Not in quite the order I would have liked, but the end result was achieved, and that's what matters the most.

I headed into the city with our little guy directly from our big kid's drop off.  Not even a stop for coffee.  Mommy meant business!  We got to the consulate in about 40 minutes, found a parking spot up front and headed in. Everything was looking great until I realized how long each number in our group (the P group/non-visa group, which we will be part of in the next week or two... ugh) was taking.  Seemed every number took about 10 minutes on average. I started to sweat when I realized we were still a good 15 numbers away from being called and only had 45 minutes to go before we would have to head back to pick up the big kid.  Good thing little miss arrogant skipped the back-up plan!  What an idiot.  Somehow, we magically got called at about 11:50.  We needed to be on the road by Noon in order to safely get back to pick up the kid on time.

Consulate Officer:  "Do you want to pick up your documents today or next week?  Or we can mail.  Did you bring an envelope?"

Me:  "Well, I would prefer to pick them up today, of possible?"

CO:  "Okay, be back between 1:30 and 2:30."

Me:  "What happens if I can't get back by 2:30?"

CO:  "We close.  You have to be back between 1:30 and 2:30.  Or you'll have to come a different day then."

Me:  "Oh no, it's okay, I'll be back before 2:30."

This wouldn't normally be an issue .. BUT .. I had to drive back, pick up the big kid at 1:02 then hightail it back to the city, find parking and get in before 2:30.  And throw lunch at the boys somewhere in between.  I tried not to stress and just focused on the mission before me.  Autopilot back to Moraga.  Picked up the big kid with time to spare.  Threw Burger King at them on the way to the city.  Which, by the way, they totally loved because the meal comes in this little box type thing with the old school crown sticking up along the back by perforation so they can just tear it off and wear it when they're done.  And the big kid said "Hey, mom, these chicken nuggets are waaaaay better than the chicken nuggets at McDonalds."  Well, that's good.  At least they ate it!  Anytime I take them to the golden arches, it's like pulling teeth to get them to eat. Duh, the food is awful. Makes the happy meal toy sort of a good idea as at least it's a bargaining point, for kids who actually eat real food with real flavor and real nutrition.  We made it back to the consulate at just after 2, got a spot on the same block and were in the building by 2:10.  Time.  To.  Spare.  Got in the "cashier" line and by the time we made it to the front, it was about 2:20.  And guess what?  Our documents weren't done yet.  Figures.  So we waited another 10 minutes and then 600 bucks later, we were out the door, documents in hand.

When we got back to the car, I re-read the dossier instructions and realized I also needed a cashier's check for the translation services in China.  Ugh.  That meant yet ANOTHER stop before sending it out overnight to our coordinator.  Pedal.. to the freaking metal!  Stopped at the bank in Orinda.  Thank goodness for more junk food.  Our bank always has fresh baked cookies in the waiting area.  I told the boys if they sat quietly and waited patiently for me to get the check that they could have a cookie on our way out.  It would have been a breeze for them.  See what depriving your kids of junk gets you!  But.. BUT.. for the chubby little cookie monster who stormed the place with her mom.  I know anybody who saw me could read the disgust on my face.  Said chubster walks in and her mom tells her to wait there while she gets her stuff done.  Chubby grabs not one, not two, but three cookies and starts gobbling them up Cookie Monster style. No shit!  My kids didn't know what to think. They just stared; jaws on the ground.  I kinda think they were as grossed out as I was. I mean, seriously, if your kid has a serious weight issue, do you really think you should let her pig out at the freaking bank?  If that's what she does in public, how in the world does she eat at home?  She probably had Burger King for lunch too.  Man, some parents totally suck.

Back to my kids.  I got my check, placed it neatly into the awaiting envelope and walked back over to them.  Little guy said "Now can we have a cookie please?"  They each grabbed a napkin and a cookie and we headed out the door. As soon as we hit the sidewalk, the little guy, who is clearly maturing by the minute (he waited until we were outside.. HUGE!) said "Mommy, did you see that girl totally chow down on THREE cookies?"  That's my boy!

We got back into the car, and hit the road yet again.  Next stop UPS store.  While I was driving I just quickly glanced through the dossier requirements one last time. As if the last 2,544 times hadn't amply prepared me.  But alas, I missed one small detail and that was to put the 2 extra passport photos of me and Parker in a clear plastic sleeve. I had to stop at home. And somehow get to the UPS store by 3:45ish to make it into the day's shipment. Crapski.  Raced home, left  the boys in the car, ran in, grabbed the clear sleeve and hit reverse all within about 1 minute and 30 seconds.  Made it to the UPS store just as the driver was loading the truck.  Thanks to my friend Doug, our dossier made it into that shipment and arrived safely at the coordinator's home office this afternoon.  I had this big plan to take a photo of Doug with our dossier envelope in hand, but was in such a rush that I wasn't able to.  You'll have to meet Doug another time.  There will be a few other instances, for sure.

When I got back in the car, without the documents I've been working on and toting to and fro for so very long, I thought I would feel elated and overjoyed but I didn't at all. I felt a small sense of relief but that's about it.  I am having a hard time giving in to any emotion, though the cynicism seems to be working for me (I'm sure you could sense it ...).  My friend's health crisis is weighing heavily on me.  I'm not sure how to even manage the emotions twisting inside of me.  It's hard to let my own feelings out when I'm so torn up about the situation she is in.

I haven't been sleeping well.  But I had a dream last night in which Macey appeared. It was magical. It wasn't just a dream with her in it, but it was about our first meeting. She came into the room with her caregiver.  She smiled at us.  She went over to our little guy and stole his toy.  Then she came over to me. I kneeled in front of her.  She put her little forehead to mine and put her pudgy little hands on my shoulders.  Then she looked up, smiled and started to babble.  It was amazing and I didn't even remember it until I was pulling into the pick up line at my little guy's school. Until then I was wracked with emotion from my visit with my friend and as I turned into the semi-circle driveway at preschool, the memory of my dream hit me.  Oh little Macey, how I can't wait to meet you!

It's funny how our children teach us parenting lessons, long before we meet them.

Macey will understand

I had planned to go to the Chinese Consulate in the city on Thursday morning but I had a little setback.  I was just about to get into the shower when I hit the button on my phone simply to do a time check.  That's when I saw that I had a missed call and voicemail from a good friend.  I knew something was up just by the fact that she had called so early.  After listening to her voicemail, my heart started to race. I called her back immediately.  A dear friend of ours was in the hospital and the diagnosis was devastating.   I am heartbroken that one of the loveliest people I know is so sick.  It caught me off guard and took me off track for a few days, but I do not want to make this about me because that would be selfish and disrespectful.  This friend is the one person I know who will just soldier right through this.  She is beyond strong. She is brave and courageous.  She's positive and encouraging.  She has made all of the right decisions in life and has impenetrable faith.

When I visited her this morning she asked if I had written anything new, and I told her I hadn't and she told me I have to keep writing even after Macey comes home.  We'll see. I'm sure she, like all of you, will long be sick of my cynical, emotional, irrational and sappy tirades and tributes by then.  You may even block me on facebook, or at least hide my updates.  It's okay, I don't blame you. I even get sick of myself. Like every morning at about 8:40 a.m.  By that time, at least 4 days a week, okay 5, I'm already sick of hearing my own voice. Seriously!  Because it just gets louder and Louder and LOUDER by the minute.  And there's a direct correlation among the tick tock of the clock, the repetition of the words "we're going to be late" and the increase in the volume of my voice.  Over it!  If I could just mime from about 9am on, I'd be a whole lot happier, as would my kids. And maybe my husband. Okay, maybe my husband would enjoy it more than anyone.  I kid. Sort of.

For now I'll tell you what I did to get back on track and share some fun news with you as well.  I went to Kinko's (I know that's not what it's called, but I'm getting set in my ways and once a Kinko's, always a Kinko's... I also don't want to admit that I cheated on my friend Doug over at the UPS store.  But he closes at 6 and I didn't get out until 7 and it had to get done tonight so I had no choice. It's my problem, Doug, not yours, you did nothing wrong, I promise you!)  tonight and made a bajillion copies.  Now I have the full set of copies the Chinese Consulate requires, along with a full set of originals, when requesting authentication.  The little guy and I will head into the city tomorrow morning after we drop the big guy at school. Hopefully it will go as smoothly and easily as the I-800A fingerprint (biometrics for you adoption geeks) appointment did and the little guy will be so overwhelmed by everything around him that he'll be stone silent.  Fingers crossed.  This time it'll be man to man coverage so hopefully he'll be on his best behavior.  Even at his worst, however, he's totally fine.  He just may crack some highly inappropriate jokes or yell the question "Mommy, why aren't you wearing underwear?" and get us kicked out. Hopefully we'll get there early enough to get the authentications done and back before the consulate closes for lunch. If that isn't the case, they'll give us a receipt and we'll have to go back later in the afternoon.  I'm not making a back-up plan for that because it ain't happenin! I will have those 500 pages back in my hot little hand as I walk out the door.  I will!  We'll drive home, pick up the big kid then go see my buddy Doug, yes, that Doug, to get the entire Dossier sent overnight to our coordinator.  Then next stop DTC.  Wow.

And in fun Macey news - we finally got a little update!  It may read a little funny to you all, but to us it's great news and just the pick me up I needed!  Tidbits like her crying with strangers and being close to her caregivers are very encouraging.  If she can have close human connections, we fear attachment disorder a little less.  She's riding a tricycle which tells us her hand-eye coordination and gross motor skills are coming along very well, and in some cases better than others her age.  She only has 8 teeth, but she was a few months premature so that makes sense.  We aren't concerned with the lack of language skills as that's standard for institutionalized kids. We have plenty of time to work on that when she gets home!  We should be getting new photos and an updated head CT soon. We didn't know the CT had been ordered, but because her file is over 10 months old, they were planning to update it anyway.  We assume there will not be any surprises, but if there are, it will just better prepare us for her future at home.  The update follows:

Feng Yu Ning

Current measurement: weight: 10.5kg, height: 74cm, head size: 47cm, chest size: 49cm, length of her feet: 10.5cm. She has four teeth on top and four teeth at the bottom. Her current development is good. She eats mostly children’s meal with supplement of fruit and snacks. She has good appetite. The quantity of food she consumes is normal. She has normal urinating and normal bowel movement. She has regular routine. She has three meals a day. She can stand up holding onto something and can walk. She can sit comfortably on her own. She can crawl on her fours. She likes to be quiet and often plays on her own. She cries sometimes when she is with strangers. She likes stuff animals and riding on the small tricycle. She has good movement of her hands. She can pick up and hold onto things. She can feed herself crackers. She is close to her caregivers. Now we are training her language abilities. She understands her own name and can say MaMa and other single syllable words but do not always remember them. Her development level is close to her peers.

What in the world will I do after DTC?

There's a good chance I'll be done with the paperwork in a matter of days.  So few that I can count them on one hand.  Even though the light is at the end of this tunnel, it's still hard to imagine reaching it.  I spend at least some part of each day reading, reviewing or completing paperwork. Or simply being a nutjob and re-reading, re-reviewing or re-doing it!

I decided to go ahead and high tail it to Sacramento and back today.  I'm sure I'll be sweating my butt off worrying about getting home in time for pick ups, but I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.  I called the Notaries Division at the Secretary of State's Office yesterday and they told me it's just a 30 minute wait.  I'm going to pad it to 1 hour.  I drop the little guy off at 8:45 and the big kid at 9:10.  Allowing a pit stop for coffee and a prepaid UPS envelope and I'll be on the road by 9:30.  I should arrive at the capitol around 11:00.  If I get my docs in by 11:30, I should be back on the road by 12:30 and back to Moraga by 2.  The big kid is in an after school program till 2:30.  The little guy normally gets picked up on Wednesday, his late day, at 1:45 but he can stay till 2:45, which I'm sure he'll need to do.  I'm totally sweating it already.  So much so that I couldn't go back to sleep after Parker kissed me goodbye at 5am.  There is no time to spare.  Parker, ironically, is working on a big deal for the state this week and they'll be in his office today and his dinner dates tonight, so he can't swoop out to save me if I can't make pick ups in time.  My girlfriend kindly offered to pick up the boys if I get in a jam, so I have a back up plan but I think I can manage it.  This is where the prepaid UPS envelope comes into play. I'm going to stop and get one from my buddy Doug at the local UPS store.  I've seen him more in the last few months than I have any of my friends thanks to all the notarizations, copies and shipments I've had to make!  I'm going to have him print me up a fancy, prepaid return envelope so that just in case my documents aren't ready by the time I have to leave Sacramento to get back to pick up the boys, I can just have them pop my docs into the envelope and send them back to me overnight.  So I'll either walk away with them today, and if not, will have them in my hands tomorrow.  Relief washes over me as I keep my eye on the prize.  State certified documents .. state certified documents .. state certified documents.  Oh yeah.

The next step is authentication at the Chinese Embassy.  I was just going to have our agency take care of this and the previous step, but for those of you that know me, you know I'm a tad bit of a control freak and since I CAN control the timing of these steps, I WANT to, of course.  Duh!  It seems like a no brainer to knock out the last two steps myself in as little time as possible.  It really is a race now. A race to Macey folks!  She's sitting there in an orphanage in dirty clothes watching sheep sheep and gray wolf, so you betcha I'm doing all I can to get to her as fast as I can!  Who knows how long these two steps would take our coordinator at the agency.  She's totally bogged down right now after having been traveling for the last week or two. I still haven't heard back from her on an email I sent on Monday so I doubt that our docs would get processed in the timing I need them to. So, if I get to bring the documents home with me today, I'll take the little guy with me tomorrow to the embassy in the city to get them authenticated.  If I don't get to bring the docs home with me today, and instead they're delivered tomorrow afternoon, I'll have to cancel my Friday morning workout (oh darn) and just take them in after I drop the boys at school.  Either way, by Friday, I'll be done.  Done.  DONE!  Our dossier will be complete and ready to send to China (or for my fellow adoption nerds, to the CCCWA).

I'm trying not to go totally buggy about the timing, but it's tough.  Our coordinator told us we should plan on traveling about 4 1/2 months after DTC.  If we are DTC by May 1, we should be traveling September 15.  Macey's birthday is September 23.  Fist shaking please make it happen, close!  Both fortunately and unfortunately, however, I've read many cases where the LOA comes in under a month, and as many where it's over 100 days!  I may have to wean myself off of all the blogs, yahoo groups and discussion forums as of DTC, otherwise I know I'll totally stress and obsess about who is getting LOA and how long it took, and why haven't we gotten ours and other things that may make me break my no wine till after the kids go to bed rule.  Once our dossier has a log in date, LID, we just have to wait for LOA.  There is nothing we can do to influence timing.  We simply have to wait.  I haven't given a process update in a while, and there are far fewer steps now, so here goes:

DTC: Dossier to China. Party time! The paperchase is complete. This is the date our dossier is mailed to China.

LID: Log In Date. This is the date that our dossier is “logged in” or received by the CCCWA. 1-4 weeks after DTC

LOA: Letter of Acceptance. This is after LID and is the official approval from China to adopt Macey.  1-4 months after LID

I-800:  We will file this form with USCIS to classify orphan as an immediate relative.  This will be our application to adopt our specific child from China.  Not to be confused with the earlier I-800A, which was our application just to adopt.   2-4 weeks after LOA

NVC: National Visa Center. After I-800 approval, our officer will forward it to the NVC.  NVC will upload the approval into their system and cable it to the US consulate.  It will take about 1 week to cable and another week to get the letter stating it was done.  As soon as we receive the letter we send it right to our agency, who will deliver it to the consulate in China.

Article 5:  Consulate pre-approving our child for an immigrant visa. They will issue it 2-5 weeks after receipt.  Our agency will have a courier pick up the Article 5 right away and deliver it to the CCCWA.

TA: Travel Approval. CCCWA will issue travel approval 2-4 weeks after they receive the Article 5.

CA: Consulate Appointment. This is the date we will go to the Consulate in China to fill out paperwork to get Macey's visa to enter the USA!

Friday the 13th

Friday, April 13th, 2007 was the second worst day of our lives.  My father-in-law died (suddenly, unexpectedly, tragically, you name it) on Monday, April 9th, 2007 and we laid him to rest on Friday, April 13th.  We've had a few miserable, and a couple of slightly less miserable, April 13ths, but the tide changed with the anniversary of this Friday, April 13th.  Little Macey must be our good luck charm!

This was my Friday the 13th:

After I dropped the little guy at preschool and the big kid at kindergarten, I met a dear friend for coffee.  Triple bonus morning - coffee + friend + lots of laughs.  Parker called me 3 times (another triple) while I was chatting with my friend.  I was mad at him that morning because I needed 1 thing from the grocery store the night before, milk.  He ran out to get his corrected background clearance letter notarized and then he stopped at the store for milk and wine (to take to his fantasy baseball draft).  Only he forgot the milk, which I didn't realize until breakfast that morning.  So I thought his blowing up my phone was all about the milk incident. He hates arguments and it kills him when I get mad at him. If he could live the rest of his life without arguing with me once, he would, but I won't let that happen. I promise.  So anyway, when I got to my car after saying goodbye to my friend, I finally called him back.  It wasn't about the milk, but instead there was some really great news he wanted to talk about.  I'll just say hallefreakinglujah for capital losses.  Parker was a partner in his company before it was sold last year and while it hasn't been unicorns and rainbows, this is one little happy dance inducing result of all the crap he's endured, and the money we've lost, in the last year or so.  Really, really great news regarding our tax burden, or rather, lack thereof for the first time in about, forever.

And just when I thought the day literally couldn't get any better, it did.  I picked up the little guy from preschool and we went grocery shopping to pick up a few things I needed to make a fancier, tastier meal than normal thanks to friends braving the Bay Bridge on a Friday night to come out and have dinner with us.  After we got home from the store, I put away all of the groceries, then while the little guy was on the pot (i.e. BUSY and QUIET) I decided to call US Citizenship and Immigration Services to see why the on-line tracking for our I-800A wouldn't work.  Not twenty seconds into the call I hear the little guy yelling "Mommy it was just a accident!"  Somehow, he managed to pee on the floor, pour water into the trash can AND pull down the shower curtain. Thankfully he heeded my one request, which was not to yell bottoms up as he normally does when he's ready to have help getting cleaned up .. and instead whispered it to me while standing in a puddle of I-held-it-so-long-I-started-to-go-as-I-pulled-down-my-pants-pee.  I was trying to have as normal a conversation with the customs official as possible while running back and forth to get info I needed from my office space in the kitchen (because I can't really work in the real office when all the action goes on in the kitchen) and also get the kid and the floor cleaned up as quickly as possible before there was pee tracked throughout the house.  I finally just apologized to the customs official and told her I was dealing with a 3 year old potty accident. She laughed.  She was having trouble finding our case and asked for all sorts of tidbits of info.  She kept saying she couldn't understand why nothing was coming up.  Then music to my ears.  "Well, I think I actually have some good news for you. Are you ready?"  Uh yeeeaaah!  "You're approved!"  WE ARE APPROVED!  Already!  Amazing!  I was so caught off guard by this, that I was literally speechless. I couldn't formulate a coherent sentence.  She asked if she just made my day and I said of course, this is the best news!  She told me good luck with the potty incident and to have a very nice weekend.  I have to say it was refreshing to work with such nice people.  The staff at the Application Support Center and the woman who delivered the good news about the I-800a approval.  I had it in my head that dealing with these people would be like going to the DMV (which in California is about the worst thing you could ever experience) and this couldn't have been more the opposite. Pleasant, friendly, helpful, I could go on and on.  Hats off to the Department of Homeland Security. Perhaps they could have a few words with the Department of Motor Vehicles.  My $.02 is that the conversation would start, and maybe even conclude, as simply as this:  "Hi folks, we're here to teach you how to stop being such a$$holes."

The next step on the adoption train is receiving the actual document stating our approval of the I-800a, which is called the I-797c, from the National Benefits Center. As soon as the approval document is in my hot little hand, we will run to the UPS store to get it notarized then I'll turn everything over to our agency.  They'll take care of state certification, and authentication.  One caveat is that our coordinator has been traveling so I'm considering getting the state certification done myself in order to save time. That would mean I may or may not be heading to Sacramento on Wednesday.  If I can get up there and back in time for kid pick up at 1:45 and 2:30 I'll do it, but if I can't then I'll let the agency handle it. I'm going to call the Secretary of State's office tomorrow to find out the hours they're open and about how long it would take to get the certifications done.  So tbd on the state certs.  Once everything is state certified, it goes to the Chinese embassy in the city to get authenticated then off to China.  Wow!  I can't believe all of the paperchasing is 99% complete and we're that much closer to little miss Macey!